error is often the precursor of what is correct

mao

pero, bakit paulit-ulit, nagkakamali ako, paulit-ulit nasasadlak sa balon ng kadiliman, at hindi ko makita ang butas ng kawastuhan.

ang hirap kumawala sa pyudal na kulturang humubog at niyakap ng aking pagkatao. ang hirap lubusin ng kalayaan. ang hirap magkubli sa mga matatalas na pagsusuri, sapagkat sa likod nito paulit-ulit, mali ako, paulit-ulit sinasabihan ko ang sarili ko, duwag ako.

tama si mao, at may panahon pa upang magwasto. hindi ito ang panahon ng pagsuko. sa gitna ng lumalalang panunupil ng rehimeng Arroyo, mas matatag na dapat panindigan ang panawagang MAKIBAKA, H'WAG MATAKOT!

hindi ko rin dapat supilin ang aking puso, kasabay ng panawagang ito, MAKIBAKA H'WAG MATAKOT! itutuloy ko ang laban! Palalayain ko ang aking sarili. Mamahalin kita ng lubusan at sisiguraduhin kong mararamdaman mo ang pagmamahal na iyan!

TULOY ANG LABAN!

morbidity 2 (2nd of a series)

if i only have three months to live...

101 things i want to do before i die

1. bring nanay to baguio
2. itable sa inuman si kuya nestor at kuya luis
3. akyatin ang mt. apo kasama si ria, chen, ansie, rj, dondon, owen, renzy,, ronron, at nica.
4. manood ng sine kasama si tehya, tenny, temor
5. go shopping also with my three ates
6. attend kuya lambing's wedding
7. sponsor a walt disney film festival with all my pamangkins as guest of honor
8. ihatid si kuya vener sa airport
9. magvolunteer sa isang docu project for iwitness sa channl 7, ako ang magreport- rev. justice ang itopic ko.
10. magsponsor ng isang walt disney film festival
11. magsponsor ng walt disney soundtrack concert

"every child is special, you'll wonder where ordinary people like us came from..."

linya ng bidang babae sa pelikulang code 46.

totoo sya dyan! kahit ako, nung bata ako, ispesyal din daw ako kwento ng mga utol ko. kaya pag nagkukuwento sila, bakas na bakas ang panghihinayang. yun tipong hindi man nila sabihin ay mararamdaman mong gusto nilang itanong, bakit ka kaya lumaki ng ganyan?

noong 2 years old daw ako, itinayo ako ng nanay sa mga garapon ng paninda nya (panginoong may sari-sari store ang nanay ko noon na nakapwesto sa stratehikong lugar, sa may gate ng palengke, kaya tambayan ng mga manginginom, lasenggo, mananaya at manunugal.) at nun ngang araw na iyon habang may grand alumni homecoming ang mga lumpen sa harapan ng aming tindahan, naisipan ng nanay kong ipagmahili ang ikasampu nyang anak. at idineklara sa lahat ng lumpeng kaharap nya, "magiging Miss Philippines ang bunso kong ito!" palakpakan naman daw ang mga lango sa ginebrang tinda ng nanay ko ang mga tao. ang kuya, hindi pa nasiyahan, ipinakita pa sa akin ang litratong magpapatunay na naganap ang deklarasyon ng aking kinabukasan.

come to think of it, natupad naman ang pangarap na un ng nanay ko, miss philippines naman ako ngayon...isang aktibistang pinopoblema ang hirap at kinabukasan ng bansang ito!

PROCLAMATIONS 1081 AND 1017--MARTIAL LAW DEJA VU

(this is a forwarded message from a yahoogroup)

Marcos 1081:

NOW, THEREFORE, I ...do hereby command the armedforces of the Philippines to maintain law and orderthroughout the Philippines, prevent or suppress allforms of lawless violence as well as any act ofinsurrection or rebellion and to enforce obedience toall the laws and decrees, orders and regulationspromulgated by me personally or upon my direction.

GMA 1017:

NOW, THEREFORE, I ....do hereby command the ArmedForces of the Philippines to maintain law and orderthroughout the Philippines, prevent or suppress allforms of lawless violence as well any act ofinsurrection or rebellion and to enforce obedience toall the laws and to all decrees, orders andregulations promulgated by me personally or upon mydirection
+++++++++++++++++++++++

PROCLAMATION 1081

NOW, THEREFORE, I, FERDINAND E. MARCOS, President of the Philippines, by virtue of the powers vested> upon me by Article VII, Section 10, Paragraph ('2) of the Constitution, do hereby place the entire Philippines as defined in Article I, Section 1 of the Constitution under martial law and, in my capacity as their commander-in-chief, do hereby command the armed forces of the Philippines, to maintain law and order throughout the Philippines, prevent or suppress all forms of lawless violence as well as any act of insurrection or rebellion and to enforce obedience to all the laws and decrees, orders and regulations promulgated by me personally or upon my direction.

PROCLAMATION 1017

NOW, THEREFORE, I Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, President of the Republic of the Philippines and> Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of the Philippines, by virtue of the powers vested upon me by Section 18, Article 7 of the Philippine Constitution which states that: “ The President…whenever it becomes necessary,…may call out (the) armed forces to prevent or suppress…rebellion…, “ and in my capacity as their Commander-in-Chief, do hereby command the Armed> Forces of the Philippines, to maintain law and order throughout the Philippines, prevent or suppress all forms of lawless violence as well any act of insurrection or rebellion and to enforce obedience to all the laws and to all decrees, orders and regulations promulgated by me personally or upon my direction; and as provided in Section 17, Article 12 of the Constitution do hereby declare a State of National Emergency.

still on my birthday- a reflection

birthday is one occasion that makes me reflective and sentimental. i guess having been involved in a movement for total change made me realize that birthdays call not only for celebration but also for reflection.

if organizationally, there’s an annual programming or biennial planning, and have regular dates for assessing and evaluating things it has and has not accomplished, personally, i have a birthday to reflect on the things i did and were not able to do.

for me, birthday is not just an occasion to celebrate being born or being alive. it is a venue to culminate three hundred and sixty-five days' full of experience in a person’s life and reflect on what or who you have become. have i been a better person? was i able to rectify bad habits? did i become more appreciative of people around me? by doing so, i’ll be able to define what will make me really happy on my next birthday.

thus, i can say, i am happier now, than last year. foremost, i have achieved stability. i have come into terms with myself, again. i said again, because i already did seven years ago when i made the most crucial decision in my life and went to a far away island. when i returned, i wasn’t the same again.

i realized that on my birthday last year. i haven’t totally forgiven myself for the wrong decisions i made in my life that i can’t move on without grudges. i keep on blaming myself without actually being true to resolutely rectify my errors. i end up disappointed and having this facade of contentment. but that’s a sham, totally insincere.

so, i told myself, gather your wits together. by humbly accepting your faults, you’ll be able to learn to forgive yourself and be able to move on genuinely. so i did. i learned to shut doors, to be able to see other openings. i learned to be more self-forgiving to be able to forgive others. i started to learn the art of humility again so that i can honestly face myself and be honest to others. i unlearned to learn more.

my self-rediscovery thus defines my happiness.

being at peace with myself, i am reunited with my work, fulfilling every duties by heart, thus my mind and body follows. it also strengthened my ties with my family. i don’t expect 100% understanding from them anymore, because i am assured of 100% respect well at placed.

three hundred and sixty five days added to my life, half of it spent with genuine and trusted friends, i will forever be thankful for. a major lesson on friendship though, is sifting friends. trust must be earned, no push buttons on this case. hence, to avoid being hurt, don’t give it all, leave some for yourself.

in the final analysis, i am not yet completely happy. i haven’t been completely honest. honesty dictates that i have to confess there’s still a part of me that wants to be a part of YOU. honesty prescribes that i still have to confront YOU in my life.

last year, i have been a coward to face YOU. even if YOU have become an essential part of me, i still didn’t have the guts to admit. for my self-reflection this year, i am obliged to totally liberate myself. i won’t say YOU will complete my happiness, but i know YOU are a part of it. so, for this new year of my life, a major resolution involves YOU. might have a positive or negative result, but surely, just by doing something about YOU in my life will mean a happy birthday for me as i conclude another three hundred and sixty five days of my life next year.

a love's song

i have been searching
for myself
where am i going to
where will this journey lead me?
i have long been
trapped in a song
a song of love
i can't even sing
in the right tune
but i am still here
dancing along with the music
the litmus test:
finding the exact key for my voice
or is it finding my voice
to have the courage
to discover the right note
i may be out of tune
most of the time
but i'll continue with my task
singing that love song...
until i come across the harmony
i'm searching
all my life.

born on 14th of february

being born on a valentine’s day has its pros and cons:

pro:
greetings come early. everybody’s excited. whenever valentines day is being publicized, people automatically think it’s my day and they would greet me na, kahit pa it’s a week earlier.

con:
since practically everybody’s greeting me ‘happy birthday’, nakaka-pressure. you’ll want to please them, and make their wish come true and indeed have a happy birthday! but what if i don’t want to be happy that day? what if for a change, i want that day to be an ordinary, uneventful, or may be eventful but not necessary happy? does it mean i’ll fail those ‘happy wishers?’

pro:
nobody forgets. all my friends from luzon, visayas and mindanao greeted me. even my nieces abroad, took time to greet me. my grade and high school friends remembered, even my college barkadas. yung kalaro ko noon, which i haven’t seen ages ago, managed to get my number and greeted me at 1 o’clock in the morning. di ba katouch?

con:
flowers are expensive! all my life, i remember having to receive flowers on my birthday only four times!
1. on my 18th birthday, courtesy of marlon who happened to be working in a flowershop then. he made a wrist bouquet mula sa mga reta-retasong bulaklak na sobra sa orders.
2. 1995, ada gave me a white rose, bigay sa kanya ng suitor nya.
3. 2004, joshua gave me a bouquet of 3 red roses, pero binigay nya, 2 or 3 days before, kaya actually, hindi counted yun.
4. last year, again, ada, my beloved friend gave me flowers. “hay, awit, katumbas ng 2 araw na sahod ng manggagawa ang mga bulaklak na ito,” she said while handing me a bouquet of 3 peach roses.

generally however, i am still thankful to be born on the 14th of february. this gives me a reason to be happy, even if the happy-valentine's-day aspect of it has always been irrelevant to me. (bitter ba?)

(ps, another con, kabirthday ko si kris aquino!)

walang pamagat

tilamsik ng putik

sa duguan mong paa

kirot ng sakit

sa sugat ng pagsasamantala

hinuhukay na libingan

ng iilang gahamang

nabubuhay sa

sementetryong putikan

bubungkalin ang lupang

kalansay ang laman

masangsang na amoy

ng pagdarahop

kasakiman

mangingibabaw sa

sangkatauhang

gigising sa

tulog na kamulatan

lupa ng kabuhayan

larangan ng mga labanan

babangon ang kasaysayan

sa bago at mas maigting

na tipo ng digmaan

tilamsik ng dugo

sa sugatan mong paa

busilak na tagumpay

sa mahal mong ina