the bridget jones in me
number of cigarettes smoked: 5
number of times i promised my self i'll quit smoking: 5million and still counting
number of crushes: one, literally and figuratively, big human rights lawyer
i just learned from a friend today that my big mark darcy opts for a tall, alabaster-skinned, sophisticatedly intelligent chick. mmmm, a rebecca…
insecurity triggered, my confidence sunk to its lowest level upon hearing those qualifications.
i looked at myself in the mirror. i am barely 5-feet and most of the time, mistaken as a kid. modern technology may help me at least gain some more inches to grow taller, but would i have the guts to try it? much more, afford it? nahh, hopeless.
intelligent? if he considers wit as intelligence, maybe i’ll pass in this category. but, i can never be proud of my scholastic standing. i’m your typical student who crams and studies the night before examinations and depends on stored knowledge during recitation. @&*#!, sometimes i even misspell some words in my diary…tsk tsk talk about too much dependence on that F7 key in my computer. baaaad.
alabaster-skinned? my mother is always being regarded as mestiza, but the only thing I inherited from her is my flat chest!
SEXY? God, why have you forsaken me?!
i used another tactic; i lay down on my bed, closed my eyes and pictured myself as a tall, sophisticatedly intelligent and sexy woman with my skin glowing in the dark and my big mark darcy looking at me with admiration. i found it difficult to recognize my face, though. it’s as if a totally different woman has taken over the scene. grrrr! even illusions are against me! (sigh…)
yes, i am a Bridget Jones, insecure and semi-neurotic. only, i’m the underweight version. however, i want to believe, i share Bridget‘s most important quality - self-respect. it is the best virtue I got from my family. it teaches me to come out dignified even in the most complicated and embarrassing moments.
“remember when you were bullied by an ex-policeman-looking taxi driver and he threatened to kill you if his license was confiscated after you told him you would report him for overcharging? you were terrified. but you ended up arriving at your destination and riding for free. you went out of the taxi, walked out on him gracefully and he never came after you.” it's me talking to myself. i didn’t mean anything bad against the driver i just wanted to get rid of him immediately, and in the process forgot to pay my fare.
self respect checks my insecurities and slaps me every now and then back to reality. it makes me realize that it’s not the end of the world if shortcomings come along the way. it makes me appreciate life’s complexity and teaches me to simply deal with it. it’s as if I am looking at the world with self-righteousness but then remembers to wear my humility shades.
self-respect leads to love of one’s self that leads to loving others that leads to selfless love. this is one cycle in life that needs practice and mastery which is bounded of never-ending trial and error, but with lessons learned, will always be elevated on a higher level.
with self respect in mind, i looked at the mirror again and borrowed these words from Bridget: “i am a woman of substance”. i may not be tall, but i look at things far above the ground. and relate with people objectively.
i may not be academically intelligent, but i gain wisdom from experience and deals with life’s contradictions with poise and level-headedness.
i might have a slightly fair-complexion, but with skin-deep personality. sexiness? nah, it’s just a matter of projection!
my big mark darcy can go spend all his life looking for the perfect somebody, or he may already have a particular someone in mind that has all the qualities he enumerated, good luck to him.
meanwhile, as a woman of substance, and with self-respect well in place, i’ll do with what I have leaving room for self-improvement.
i wrote this, sometime in december, 2004...many things have changed...but i still feel like bridget jones.
number of times i promised my self i'll quit smoking: 5million and still counting
number of crushes: one, literally and figuratively, big human rights lawyer
i just learned from a friend today that my big mark darcy opts for a tall, alabaster-skinned, sophisticatedly intelligent chick. mmmm, a rebecca…
insecurity triggered, my confidence sunk to its lowest level upon hearing those qualifications.
i looked at myself in the mirror. i am barely 5-feet and most of the time, mistaken as a kid. modern technology may help me at least gain some more inches to grow taller, but would i have the guts to try it? much more, afford it? nahh, hopeless.
intelligent? if he considers wit as intelligence, maybe i’ll pass in this category. but, i can never be proud of my scholastic standing. i’m your typical student who crams and studies the night before examinations and depends on stored knowledge during recitation. @&*#!, sometimes i even misspell some words in my diary…tsk tsk talk about too much dependence on that F7 key in my computer. baaaad.
alabaster-skinned? my mother is always being regarded as mestiza, but the only thing I inherited from her is my flat chest!
SEXY? God, why have you forsaken me?!
i used another tactic; i lay down on my bed, closed my eyes and pictured myself as a tall, sophisticatedly intelligent and sexy woman with my skin glowing in the dark and my big mark darcy looking at me with admiration. i found it difficult to recognize my face, though. it’s as if a totally different woman has taken over the scene. grrrr! even illusions are against me! (sigh…)
yes, i am a Bridget Jones, insecure and semi-neurotic. only, i’m the underweight version. however, i want to believe, i share Bridget‘s most important quality - self-respect. it is the best virtue I got from my family. it teaches me to come out dignified even in the most complicated and embarrassing moments.
“remember when you were bullied by an ex-policeman-looking taxi driver and he threatened to kill you if his license was confiscated after you told him you would report him for overcharging? you were terrified. but you ended up arriving at your destination and riding for free. you went out of the taxi, walked out on him gracefully and he never came after you.” it's me talking to myself. i didn’t mean anything bad against the driver i just wanted to get rid of him immediately, and in the process forgot to pay my fare.
self respect checks my insecurities and slaps me every now and then back to reality. it makes me realize that it’s not the end of the world if shortcomings come along the way. it makes me appreciate life’s complexity and teaches me to simply deal with it. it’s as if I am looking at the world with self-righteousness but then remembers to wear my humility shades.
self-respect leads to love of one’s self that leads to loving others that leads to selfless love. this is one cycle in life that needs practice and mastery which is bounded of never-ending trial and error, but with lessons learned, will always be elevated on a higher level.
with self respect in mind, i looked at the mirror again and borrowed these words from Bridget: “i am a woman of substance”. i may not be tall, but i look at things far above the ground. and relate with people objectively.
i may not be academically intelligent, but i gain wisdom from experience and deals with life’s contradictions with poise and level-headedness.
i might have a slightly fair-complexion, but with skin-deep personality. sexiness? nah, it’s just a matter of projection!
my big mark darcy can go spend all his life looking for the perfect somebody, or he may already have a particular someone in mind that has all the qualities he enumerated, good luck to him.
meanwhile, as a woman of substance, and with self-respect well in place, i’ll do with what I have leaving room for self-improvement.
i wrote this, sometime in december, 2004...many things have changed...but i still feel like bridget jones.
posted by lifeisafullmoon at
11:42 PM
1 Comments
