still on my birthday- a reflection

birthday is one occasion that makes me reflective and sentimental. i guess having been involved in a movement for total change made me realize that birthdays call not only for celebration but also for reflection.

if organizationally, there’s an annual programming or biennial planning, and have regular dates for assessing and evaluating things it has and has not accomplished, personally, i have a birthday to reflect on the things i did and were not able to do.

for me, birthday is not just an occasion to celebrate being born or being alive. it is a venue to culminate three hundred and sixty-five days' full of experience in a person’s life and reflect on what or who you have become. have i been a better person? was i able to rectify bad habits? did i become more appreciative of people around me? by doing so, i’ll be able to define what will make me really happy on my next birthday.

thus, i can say, i am happier now, than last year. foremost, i have achieved stability. i have come into terms with myself, again. i said again, because i already did seven years ago when i made the most crucial decision in my life and went to a far away island. when i returned, i wasn’t the same again.

i realized that on my birthday last year. i haven’t totally forgiven myself for the wrong decisions i made in my life that i can’t move on without grudges. i keep on blaming myself without actually being true to resolutely rectify my errors. i end up disappointed and having this facade of contentment. but that’s a sham, totally insincere.

so, i told myself, gather your wits together. by humbly accepting your faults, you’ll be able to learn to forgive yourself and be able to move on genuinely. so i did. i learned to shut doors, to be able to see other openings. i learned to be more self-forgiving to be able to forgive others. i started to learn the art of humility again so that i can honestly face myself and be honest to others. i unlearned to learn more.

my self-rediscovery thus defines my happiness.

being at peace with myself, i am reunited with my work, fulfilling every duties by heart, thus my mind and body follows. it also strengthened my ties with my family. i don’t expect 100% understanding from them anymore, because i am assured of 100% respect well at placed.

three hundred and sixty five days added to my life, half of it spent with genuine and trusted friends, i will forever be thankful for. a major lesson on friendship though, is sifting friends. trust must be earned, no push buttons on this case. hence, to avoid being hurt, don’t give it all, leave some for yourself.

in the final analysis, i am not yet completely happy. i haven’t been completely honest. honesty dictates that i have to confess there’s still a part of me that wants to be a part of YOU. honesty prescribes that i still have to confront YOU in my life.

last year, i have been a coward to face YOU. even if YOU have become an essential part of me, i still didn’t have the guts to admit. for my self-reflection this year, i am obliged to totally liberate myself. i won’t say YOU will complete my happiness, but i know YOU are a part of it. so, for this new year of my life, a major resolution involves YOU. might have a positive or negative result, but surely, just by doing something about YOU in my life will mean a happy birthday for me as i conclude another three hundred and sixty five days of my life next year.